Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
