As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
