not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
