i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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