Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
