She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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