I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
