I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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