I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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