Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
