32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize