final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
