Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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