Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
