you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
