Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You are a genius and a whore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
