I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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