she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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