Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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