she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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