worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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