i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
