Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
