You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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