My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize