My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
