windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
