I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
