I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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