i may or may not be watching the land before time
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
