batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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