I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
