The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize