being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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