Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
