Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
