forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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