Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
