Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
