Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
