i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize