I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
