maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
