Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
