I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
