I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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