saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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