I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
