I can feel you judging me through the phone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
