i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
