I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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