She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
