I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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