i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
