Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
