I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
