you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
