you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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