I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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