maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
