he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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