could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
