I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
