so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
