Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found your dick twin last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
