YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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