White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
