if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
