is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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