I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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